It’s true! Miss Emmy Wise McCormack will be making her big debut in March, and let’s just say, we are counting down the days! Ya’ll, 9 months is SO LONG. Can’t she just be here now?! (Jokes, we want our little McNugget to keep growing big and strong!)
If you’re in that 27-35ish age group like I am, then this is probably does not come as much of a surprise to you because it seems like every other Instagram post is a pregnancy announcement. But for us, this has been a long time coming. I’ve alluded to this year being difficult in prior blog posts but haven’t formally addressed the reasons why. Not because I’m necessarily ashamed or afraid to make myself vulnerable, but because my pregnancy journey involves two people: my husband and me.
SHOP THE LOOK:
When I started blogging, I was agreeing to put myself out there: the good and the bad. My husband is the most supportive teammate I could ask for and has been the biggest champion of this blog, but at the end of the day, he did not sign up for his private life to be on public display. So when he told me that he was not comfortable with me blogging about our road to pregnancy, I didn’t bat an eye. One of the biggest blessings in my life has been how well we compliment each other in marriage. I know this may not be a popular opinion in 2017, but I’m a firm believer that a wife is to submit to her husband. It’s something I am willing to do because the husband whose authority I’m submitting to understands his role is to put me above himself, just as Christ did for the church. Our relationship is inter-dependent; we both fill in each others gaps, making us stronger together.
So when Parker told me that he felt strongly about me not opening this can of worms just yet, it was easy for me to comply. There have been several distinct moments in our marriage where trusting his wisdom and leadership has protected me from painful experiences. And this time was no different. In May, I drafted a blog post lamenting our first miscarriage. To say it was painful to write was an understatement- I balled the whole way through it. But it also brought an element of healing, and my hope was that sharing my pain might help someone else. But Parker asked me to hold off, and to this day, that post is still in my draft folder. I hope to post it one day when the time is right, but boy, am I glad that I trusted Parker in the moment. Two weeks after writing that post, I would go on to suffer a 2nd miscarriage. And I’m just not sure my heart could have handled having all of that out there.
Before I continue, I want to acknowledge that Parker and I are fully aware that there are thousands of couples who are weathering a storm much more severe than ours. We are in no way identifying ourselves as the authority on dealing with infertility and miscarriage. We are simply sharing our personal experiences with this process in hopes that it educates those who have no personal experience with the matter and encourages those who are silently struggling with this often “taboo” diagnosis.
Since August 2016, Parker and I have painfully suffered two consecutive miscarriages, undergone fairly extensive fertility testing, and been forced to watch so many of our friends and acquaintances easily get pregnant in the mean time. Please don’t read that as me resenting anyone for being pregnant. If anyone understands the miracle that pregnancy is, it’s me. But comparison is the thief of joy, and watching people achieve what you so desperately desire is hard. If you are currently enduring a season of waiting yourself, whether that be for a baby, a spouse, a new job, or even just a friend, you probably understand where I’m coming from. We’re only human after all.
But in the midst of our trials, God has been so present. I’ve experienced such a closeness with Him, and He’s used this year to transform my heart to be more compassionate, loving, and empathetic. Over the next few months, I’m planning on writing more openly about our experiences pursuing fertility treatments and dealing with miscarriages with the hopes of offering comfort and advice to those who are walking a similar path but also to help people who are trying to be a friend to someone who is facing this battle know what to say, how to react, and how they can be helpful, not hurtful. But of course, I am also going to be celebrating our little miracle by sharing bumpdates, how we plan to navigate marriage with babies, and of course, how I dress the bump!
In the meantime, Parker and I would be so grateful for your prayers for Baby Emmy’s health, my anxiety throughout this pregnancy, and that we would continue trusting the Lord’s plan and acknowledging that no matter the circumstances, He is always GOOD. One of the blessings that has come out of this year of suffering and hardship has been how much we have had to depend on the Lord to literally make it through the days. Psalm 34:18 says that the Lord is near the broken-hearted, and let me tell you, no truer words have ever been written. To think that there are so many people out there who have had to navigate these scary waters alone without holding close the promise of God’s deliverance hurts my heart so deeply. It is through trial and tribulation that our faith grows and our relationship with the Lord is strengthened. If you only take one thing away from this post today, I hope it’s the fact that no matter what you are going through, God is bigger and His way is ALWAYS BETTER.
Lots of love to you all!
Erin and Parker
Photography by Jason Johnston