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How to find out if my husband is having an affair

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No one will argue that it is incredibly painful to consider the possibility of your husband cheating on you. However, if you have reasons to suspect that he is cheating—or think you do—then it is time to start looking for the signs that he is being unfaithful. The longer you put off dealing with this devastating situation, the worse you will feel if you find out he has not been honest with you. If you want to know if your husband has been cheating on you, then you should look at what he says and does around you, and pay attention to what has changed.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 6 Signs Your Spouse Is Having An Affair

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The SIX warning signs your husband is ready to have an affair

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According to research conducted by Boston University sociology professor Deborah Carr, up to 25 percent of married men admitted to sleeping with someone other than their spouse during their marriage. However, it's not just waning attraction that prompts men to be unfaithful—there are countless other reasons men stray. It's important to also recognize that there are some people who cheat because they can. And while infidelity can be a crushing blow in a marriage, there are often indications that can tip you off to your spouse's extramarital affairs.

Before you're blindsided by infidelity, brush up on these 30 subtle signs your husband is cheating. Sex shouldn't be the only type of intimacy in a marriage, but to deem it unimportant is a major oversight. If your partner suddenly seems to have no interest in sex, despite being in decent health both physically and mentally, it's often one of the telltale signs your husband is cheating. And when you want to keep your marriage from hitting the skids, make sure you know these 40 Secrets of Couples Who've Been Married 40 Years.

Though it should come as no surprise that most adults bring their phones practically everywhere with them, if your husband is suddenly insisting that he needs his phone when he showers, it could be a sign he's hiding something like an affair. Hiding a cell phone or taking it to the bathroom or even on the shortest trip to take out trash is a red flag. It means that the partner doesn't want us to see something," says sex therapist Dr. Does your husband's new coworker or friend seem to occupy his thoughts with surprising frequency?

Does he always seem to find a way to work them into his stories? If your husband is preoccupied by someone else to the point that he can't stop talking about them, it could be one of the signs your husband is cheating. One of the strangest signs he's cheating? He's constantly accusing you of doing the same thing. Believe it or not, some unfaithful husbands will actually cheat because they're worried their partner might do the same.

Decisions like this are rooted in insecurities and fears of abandonment," says Powell. It's always nice to come home to flowers and gifts, but unfortunately, a sudden flood of random presents can also be one of the signs he's cheating. A guilty conscience can often prompt cheaters to overextend themselves to their spouses, meaning that designer bag he brings you or expensive vacation he offers to whisk you away on aren't necessarily the signs of his love and devotion you assumed them to be.

It may be nice to see your significant other putting some work into their health and appearance, but those long hours at the gym might not be for you. When your husband suddenly has a new reason to look good naked, don't be surprised if he's suddenly hyper-aware about the calories in his favorite foods or the lack of definition in his calves.

A breakdown in communication is not only sometimes a precursor to cheating, but a sign it's already happening. If the only thing you can glean about those supposed after-work drinks he had with his friends is that they were "fine," you might want to start looking further into what else he might be hiding from you.

And if you want to open up the lines of communication in your marriage, start with these 20 Things He Always Wants You to Say.

If your husband has a relatively small social circle, but suddenly has someone he's texting at all hours of the night, you might be seeing the nascent signs of an affair. In fact, the thrill of hiding the new relationship from a significant other might even be what keeps him going back for more. Cheating can create a relationship that has excitement and risk.

It can indicate a break from the monotony of the relationship with one's primary partner," says Powell. Those suddenly high credit card bills aren't just the result of him switching from Trader Joe's to Whole Foods. In many affairs, showering a new significant other with gifts keeps the spark alive—and often leads to some serious spending. If your husband has suddenly found someone who feels like an escape from the monotony of your marriage, don't be surprised if he starts noticing every little flaw in you.

Strange as it may seem, those bizarre fights over how you do your hair or unpack the dishwasher could be a sign that he's seeing someone else. Your husband has suddenly taken to waking up at a. Unfortunately, this sudden change in routine could be a sign of infidelity.

With someone new to make time for, don't be surprised if his schedule suddenly shifts. You spent years trying to get your husband to see a ballet with you or try Ethiopian food, to no avail, but now, he's suddenly telling you about how amazing Le Sacre du Printemps is?

It could be one of the signs he's cheating. Those new interests don't stem from out of nowhere—they could be shared with his new significant other. Affairs don't offer the commitment or security of a traditional relationship, which often means that men involved in them can start acting insecure with their partners. If your husband is suddenly acting needier or has new concerns about his success or attractiveness, it could be one of the signs he's cheating.

Sometimes, the guilt that comes along to an affair doesn't stop at the people involved. If your husband's friends are suddenly treating you like their BFF, even when you haven't been that close in the past, it could be a sign your spouse is cheating and has let some members of his inner circle in on the news.

Your husband has rarely discussed other women in front of you before, but suddenly, he's all-too-eager to tell you just how unattractive even supermodels are to him.

If this is the case, he could be overcompensating for some of his real-life dalliances to make you feel more secure. You used to be the center of your husband's world, but these days, you feel like more of an afterthought. Unfortunately, this could be a sign that he's being unfaithful. When your relationship stops being top priority, your husband may give himself some additional license to do the things that spending his free time with you sometimes prevented, like going out all night with friends, or claiming that he doesn't know when he'll be back from a specific activity.

If it happens once or twice, it's probably not a big deal; But when it is said prematurely and way ahead of making plans for the evening, that is something worth paying attention to," says Sendler. Many people enter into affairs as a means of finding some kind of validation they feel like they're missing out on.

As such, many men will go to great lengths to show their admiration for the people they're cheating with—in many cases, liking virtually all of their posts on social media. With cheating often comes a fair amount of guilt, which leads some husbands to get their spouses to stop doing nice things for them.

If he goes out of his way to tell you that you shouldn't be making dinner or buying him gifts, it could be a sign he's feeling guilty about his affair. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Carrie Krawiec , some men will also experience "extreme guilt and say, 'I'm a bad person' with no explanation.

Sex is an inherently intimate experience, but when someone's cheating, it becomes significantly less so. If your spouse is no longer looking at you during sex, bails on the foreplay, or won't even kiss you during the act, it could be a sign his mind is wandering elsewhere. While some cheaters are eager to stop having sex with their primary partners, others start wanting sex non-stop.

The affair that's reinvigorated his libido may mean he's all-too-eager to tear your clothes off the second he gets home. You used to be able to talk to your husband about anything, often spending hours at a time just discussing your day or joking around with one another.

However, cheaters will often stop engaging in this kind of intimate rapport with their spouse as soon as they find someone else—possibly someone who piques their interest more than you—to have those conversations with.

Sometimes cheating husbands try to be discreet about their dalliances, but can't help but discussing them anyway. Many cheating spouses will try to gauge their significant other's reaction to a story about cheating by framing it as though it was something told to him by a friend in confidence—or will ask them what they'd do if they were in the same situation.

Between the guilt of having an affair and the waning attraction to their spouse, many men will make virtually any excuse to stay out of the house. In some cases, this means logging long hours at work—or at least pretending to. Deflection is a key tool in the cheater's arsenal, meaning that even if he's engaging in some seriously suspect behavior, he won't admit that anything's amiss. Instead, he'll simply tell you that you're acting irrational, or even suggest you get into therapy for your jealousy issues.

If your jeans-and-t-shirt kind of guy is suddenly decking himself out in Armani suits, a new partner may be influencing his tastes.

In addition to hitting the gym more often and being more careful about their grooming, many cheating husbands will make sure their wardrobe looks like a million bucks to please the new object of their affection. Practiced cheaters aren't stupid: they know that being too secretive will only make you suspicious.

So instead, some cheating husbands—particularly those who've done it before—will give you unfettered access to their email, phone, and social media accounts, knowing that their messages to their fellow cheater are safely hidden elsewhere.

Usually a question as innocuous as, "How was the grocery store? Cheating can be stressful for everyone involved, meaning your husband suddenly starts acting like anything you ask him is akin to the Spanish Inquisition. While different work schedules sometimes prevent couples from getting to bed at the same time, a sudden shift your husband's bedtime routine could be a sign of a cheater. There's no safer time to message a mistress than when your significant other is sound asleep, after all.

Though some cheating husbands will virtually refuse to give any information about their whereabouts, others will do anything in their power to cover their backs. This means that a simple, "Who was at the party? For example, someone says they were able to buy something for us in a town nearby, even though you know they wouldn't have the time to be there, that's a sign something might be on the horizon.

Another red flag is when the person seems very excited too excited to share some information with us, especially when we didn't ask them to justify where they've been," says Sendler. Sometimes, changes in your husband's sexual habits outside of your bedroom can mean changes in the bedroom too. This can sometimes mean that reaches climax during sex with you, or at least takes longer to do so. All Rights Reserved.

Open side menu button. No, you're not paranoid. By Sarah Crow August 3, Read This Next. But are you? Here's how to avoid the most common missteps and always keep the spark alive. Latest News. From the polo field to the yoga studio What to stream when you're feeling down. And it doesn't involve your purse or pants pocket. Smarter Living. Be careful the next time you reach for your wallet. Your nose and mouth aren't the only entry points. This sleek new jet will rule the sky.

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21 Signs Your Spouse Is Having an Affair

Being in love is beautiful. A partner is necessary for sharing your joys, fears, problems and aspirations. But what if the person you trust the most turns out to be a cheat?

Infidelity is one of the more challenging problems faced in a relationship. While many people are blindsided if and when they find out about a spouse or partner cheating, others may suspect it because of actions that are out of the norm.

Mira Kirshenbaum is one of my favorite relationship experts. They are easy reads, full of compassion and insight. As I contemplated writing a post about how couples become vulnerable to affairs I read this interview of Ms. Here she talks not only about real risk factors, she also rules out signs that could be misread.

Is My Husband Having an Affair?

I have a dilemma. A friend is having an affair. Her wonderful husband is blissfully unaware. An emphatic yes. She would want to know. I wonder why. To mete out some kind of punishment? To save themselves from the humiliation of everybody talking about them behind their backs?

Signs Your Spouse Is Having a Cyber Affair

She also finds most cheaters exhibit common signs or red flags that point to infidelity, especially when they occur in conjunction with other signs. Have a hunch your spouse is cheating? Christine spells out the common signs your suspicions may be true. Most people can tell something is up when someone acts strange when it comes to their phone or other technology.

According to research conducted by Boston University sociology professor Deborah Carr, up to 25 percent of married men admitted to sleeping with someone other than their spouse during their marriage. However, it's not just waning attraction that prompts men to be unfaithful—there are countless other reasons men stray.

I finally asked and made him mad. He said I was crazy, but I still worry that he is. How can I know if my husband is having an affair?

5 ways to see if your husband is having an affair

There is much debate as to whether an online relationship with someone outside your marriage constitutes an affair, or cheating behavior. What one should focus on are the characteristics of this type of relationship that make it damaging to your marriage. With so much of our time spent online, it's no wonder these types of relationships are more and more common.

By Melbourne Investigations Reading time: 2 minutes. For wives who suspect their husband is having an affair, there are ways to find out a little more info discreetly. But think carefully before trying anything! Marriage is terribly important, and you need very good reasons before acting on your suspicions that your husband is cheating. You also have to be careful not to give yourself away.

3 Danger Signs Your Partner May Be Having An Affair

Welcome to What Your Therapist Really Thinks, a weekly column that examines the daily problems of living from a psychological perspective. Rather than steering them straight to the heart of the problem, we gently nudge them to arrive there on their own. What are the theoretical underpinnings of the issue? What are the ways in which our unconscious pulls the strings of our conscious mind? How do our defenses create blind spots in the telling of our stories? And how does unpacking some of this lead to a better place? The choices you make as a result?

So you feel suspicious that your spouse may be having an extramarital affair, and now you find yourself wondering 'what are the signs of infidelity? If they are present in your relationships it's time to pay attention to your marriage, get some help and In my own situation, I had no idea my husband was having an affair.

By Siofra Brennan For Mailonline. You might trust your partner implicitly, but in long term relationships everyone is tempted to stray at some point, according to a performance coach, so it pays to know the warning signs. Whilst we may not always be honest with ourselves, women are intuitive. We have a sixth sense, and we should trust that. With a cool head and a cold hard look at the facts, the truth will reveal itself.

How To Know If Your Husband or Wife Having an Affair

It can be very distressing to discover that your partner is having or has had an affair. These tips will help you take practical steps to cope with it. There are many reasons for affairs and they happen in happy relationships as well as those where there have been problems. Dealing with the aftermath of an affair can feel very isolating and painful - here's how we can support you:.

Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating

When news of Sandra Bullock's husband's infidelity surfaced, just days after she gave him a shout-out during her Oscar acceptance speech for The Blind Side , she seemed…well, blindsided. The truth is, few straying men come home covered in lipstick stains and reeking of another woman's perfume. While the signs are rarely that obvious, if you're willing to look, they're almost always there, according to Danine Manette, private investigator and author of Ultimate Betrayal.

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