Me and my boyfriend are so similar
By Anjula Mutanda, author of How to do Relationships. A lot people think of compatibility as something fixed and formulaic, often basing it on stuff like having similar personalities or hobbies and interests in common. Compatibility is enriched by how much time you spend together, how much you're both willing to give and take and by your willingness to work together as a team. Of course, it does help if you start off with certain things in common, but this is much more likely to be stuff like your values, beliefs and ideas - things that matter deep down. And even then, any relationship requires constant nuturing to maintain a strong connection. If you're worried about how compatible you and your partner are, our quiz can help.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 8 Habits That Make Your Boyfriend Love You Less
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: My Boyfriend Is Losing Interest In Me... But Still Loves MeContent:
- The 15 Incompatible Qualities That End Relationships, According To Matchmakers
- Why Do So Many Couples Look Alike? Here’s the Psychology Behind the Weird Phenomenon
- Pros and cons of having a partner who is just like you
- Quiz: Are you and your partner compatible?
- Should You Date Someone Similar To You? 14 Women Reveal How They Feel About It
The 15 Incompatible Qualities That End Relationships, According To Matchmakers
If you're looking for long-term relationship success, finding someone you're compatible with is key. Although not entirely impossible, being in a relationship with someone who's completely different from you in every way can make things a little more challenging.
According to matchmakers, there are certain sets of incompatible qualities between partners that are much more likely to lead to relationship failure than success.
Other more subtle incompatibilities, she says, are seen in each person's values. For instance, someone who cares about honesty is unlikely to be happy with someone who's constantly lying.
Or someone who has a social justice mindset will probably not be happy with someone who's super materialistic, unless they also have an altruistic side. But if two people with incompatible qualities aren't willing to learn the communication skills necessary to make sure things work for both of them, experts say there's a good chance the relationship won't work. So here are 15 incompatible qualities matchmakers say aren't likely to lead to relationship success.
Numerous studies and surveys have found finances can be a major source of relationship stress. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that extreme savers in a relationship with extreme spenders will have a hard time working out in the long run. According to Hattabaugh, couples with these two incompatible qualities may be constantly disagreeing since money is one of the top sources of arguments between couples.
While a similar sense of humor can benefit your relationship in the best ways, different ones can make conversations pretty frustrating, especially if one partner finds the other partner's sense of humor offensive. But this doesn't have to always be a dealbreaker — discussing with your partner the types of jokes and teasing you're both comfortable with can make mismatched senses of humor easier.
If your work schedules are completely imcompatible, that can make being in a relationship together pretty tricky. Solving this problem head-on by dedicating times to see each other may make this less of an issue, though. As Smith says, incompatible sex drives can be harder to peg and discuss upfront with clients and potential matches for obvious reasons, but she has found it to be pretty paramount in whether a couple will hit it off and actually last.
And while neither partner should ever expect the other to do something they're not comfortable with, discussing mismatched expectations regarding sex can help you deal with them head on, or decide if it's a dealbreaker.
If two people have completely different relaxation styles, it will be very challenging to make a relationship work. Accoridng to Caitlin Bergstein, a Boston-based matchmaker with Three Day Rule, how someone relaxes or re-energizes, especially during the weekend, dictates how people live their lives.
The "homebody" prefers to spend their weekends in, watching TV or binge watching a new Netflix series. If one person likes being out, while the other likes staying in, Bergstein says this can make it highly unlikely that a relationship will be successful.
This can extend to physical activity as well. Unless a common ground is found, the activities you both prioritize may not match up. It can be really irritating and draining to date a pessimist if you're a total optimist or vice versa. As Bergstein says, "How you and your partner view life should be similar because it will dictate how you manage tough situations that arise in your life and relationship.
Similar levels of intelligence can dictate whether a relationship will work out or not, Bergstein says. According to her, intelligence can mean a general curiosity or interest in learning to better oneself, education or a college degree s , or emotional intelligence. Differences in emotional intelligence can also leave partners struggling to understand or even communicate with each other, and unless communication strategies are developed to help bridge this gap, it may not work out.
But companionship is obviously a big part of relationships, Boyd says, and some people need to spend more time together than others. According to Boyd, people have different needs and expectations surrounding time spent with their partner in a relationship.
Those who prefer more alone time typically need their me-time to help miss their partner, whereas those who want to spend more time with their partner do not feel connection without it. If one partner is constantly moving and looking to improve themselves, while the other is perfectly content with the way things are, it can make being in a relationship pretty difficult because you have two different approaches to life.
But if two people are too incongruous in terms of their their desire to self-improve, the future of the relationship is tenuous. If one partner isn't willing to learn and adapt, then it can be really difficult to make it last long-term.
Wanting kids is one of them. How you fight with your partner can make all the difference between whether your relationship becomes stronger or not. Some people tend to explode, yell, scream, or even throw things, when they're upset. Some can stay in control of their emotions and prefer to rationally discuss a problem, while others just shut down and take off altogether.
But if arguing never seems to be productive, it may not be meant to last. If you and your partner love all the same things to the point that you're practically the same person in two different bodies, that could be a problem. Some dating apps even use mutually liked pages as a way of connecting people. A balance of common and separate interests is ideal, as having some separateness from your partner is essential to building a long-lasting bond. If you and your partner have any of the sets of incompatible qualities above, don't worry.
It doesn't mean your relationship is doomed to fail. If you're willing to work together, communicate, and truly understand how each other works, there is hope for things to work long-term. Different Ideas Surrounding Money. Different Senses Of Humor. Different Schedules. Mismatched Needs During Sex. Different Ways Of Relaxing. Different Eating Habits. Different Outlooks. Different Levels Of Intelligence. Different Ways Of Expressing Emotions.
Different Ideas Of Self-Improvement. Different Perspectives On Religion. Different Opinions On Having Kids "Through work with many different clients all with varying sets of match preferences , I have picked up on certain indicators a relationship will not make it for the long-haul," Sophy Singer, Professinal Matchmaker at Tawkify tells Bustle. Different Argument Styles. Too Similar Of Personalities.
Why Do So Many Couples Look Alike? Here’s the Psychology Behind the Weird Phenomenon
In an ideal world, what would your soulmate be like? I used to think the term "soulmate" implied that it was one soul in two bodies, meaning the two of you would be very similar. However, I think there's also something to be said about dating someone who's essentially your opposite. My boyfriend is nothing like me, and I think it works in that it gives us a chance to learn from each other and grow. Well, a recent Reddit thread asked ladies what they think about dating someone similar to them, so read along and take notes, my friends.
If you're looking for long-term relationship success, finding someone you're compatible with is key. Although not entirely impossible, being in a relationship with someone who's completely different from you in every way can make things a little more challenging. According to matchmakers, there are certain sets of incompatible qualities between partners that are much more likely to lead to relationship failure than success. Other more subtle incompatibilities, she says, are seen in each person's values.
Pros and cons of having a partner who is just like you
From good listening skills to not holding you back, there are many signals your partner likes you. For the rest of us, modern dating is a minefield. With so much available choice, how are you supposed to know if someone is right for you? When should you stop over-thinking and finally commit? Most unhealthy relationships include some form of sabotaging of one partner. Dating someone who is happy with their life means they can be happy for you and alongside of you. Keep in mind that your intuition may send out warnings as well. It may come as a gut reaction. For example, if your partner wants to change you in any way. If that happens, run.
Quiz: Are you and your partner compatible?
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Should You Date Someone Similar To You? 14 Women Reveal How They Feel About It