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My boyfriend doesnt meet my expectations

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Are you the type of girl that everybody calls picky and advises to lower her expectations? Or are you the type of girl that all her friends tell to get standards? No matter where you find yourself on that spectrum, we all have been in a situation, romantic or not, where we had the wrong expectations for someone. While a new relationship can be fun , exploratory, loving and nurturing, it can get irritating, stressful and dissatisfying really quickly if the relationship does not live up to your expectations. The problem with expectations is that they are present in every human relationship, whether you are aware of it or not. And in order to avoid misunderstandings and dissatisfaction in relationships, it is important to learn how to communicate, understand and fulfill relationship expectations.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: My Spouse Doesn't Meet My Expectations


Healthy Relationships Begin With You

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Prefer to listen? Check out the related episode from the I Hear You podcast. How aware are you of your day-to-day expectations?

Chances are, you build out dozens—if not hundreds—of expectations each day. Think of a recent interaction where you became frustrated, angry, or disappointed. This could be with a romantic partner, coworker, friend, or family member. What caused the upset? Did they leave dirty dishes in the sink? Did they not respond to your email or text? Did they not invite you to go out last weekend?

In most cases, the anger, frustration, or hurt you feel has more to do with your unmet expectations than it does with whatever actually happened. Say you come home one evening and notice that your roommate or spouse has left a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, for the hundredth time. But what if he did do the dishes—just earlier that morning?

Or what if he was planning to do them later that evening? So the next question is: did you communicate those expectations to him? If you were specific about wanting to come home to a clean sink, then you may want to talk it over again. In this situation, your resentment has nothing to do with your spouse or roommate. He did what you asked him to.

There is nothing wrong with expectations—even high expectations. You have an expectation that your husband will offer to help with the laundry. Have you told him this? If I wait for her to reach out, she never does. You have an expectation that your girlfriend will initiate conversations with you. Have you told her that? See how quickly a lack of awareness and communication can cause issues?

To recognize hidden expectations, look for resentment or emotional turmoil in your life. If you identify one or more, consider sharing them with that person.

What do you think? Have you found this to be true in your life? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Good article!!! We do indeed not share enough our expectations properly. This is often because I or am not confident enough to express my expectations, thinking the other will think I am too high maintenance or demanding, and yes we sometimes hope people will meet our expectations without telling them out of love or care.

Yes I expect unrequested consideration of my lover. Does that make sence? This is awesome! However I have some points of concern with this method. Any thoughts on how to better express those expectations? And secondly, how to mitigate the emotional weight if the person refuses to meet them? At the end of the day, we are responsible for communicating our wants, needs, and expectations —just as it sounds you did.

And, everyone else we talk to is responsible for the same. Sometimes, we get lucky, and the conversation goes well and our partner is happy to oblige. Obviously, it is difficult to give specific advice for your situation without knowing how the conversation started, what the asks were, a little more of your background together, etc. When communicating an expectation, consider making it a question rather than a demand.

Are you open to that? Make it about you, not them. But not everyone knows how to have these conversations cordially. So taking this approach—and utilizing these language tweaks —can increase your chances of a respectful conversation. The other person needs to be humble. This one is completely out of your control, though there are some ways you can open the door to it. So even if you share your thoughts using the techniques above, the other person may go right into defense mode.

From there, a little validation can go a long way toward inviting them out of it. I know are exhausting. What can we do to make that happen?

What to Do When You’re Feeling Disappointed in Your Relationship

When most people hear the words expectations and standards, they believe they are interchangeable. For the longest time, until about a month ago in therapy, I did too. For me, expectations and standards play a huge role in the relationship spectrum.

You don't meet his expectations? Talk about your garden variety a-hole.

For example, if you are told the pill you are taking will cure your headache, you take it and assume your headache will go away. When it does go away, you think nothing of it, except when you are told the pill you took is a sugar pill. Well, apparently the same goes for the opposite of the placebo effect — the nocebo effect. Can you imagine how the nocebo effect could affect your relationship? You go to bed with the expectation that your partner will not do the laundry, and it will still be there in the morning to haunt you; this is a nocebo.

Ask Dr. Chloe: Do I Have Unrealistic Expectations In My Relationship?

People have their own emotions, behaviors, actions, beliefs, scars, wounds, fears, dreams, and perspectives. They are their own person. In healthy relationships there are certain expectations, like being treated well or being respected. We may feel hurt or used. We cannot expect other people to treat us as we would treat them. We cannot assume anything or force change upon someone who clearly demonstrates he or she is stuck in his or her own way. With eyes full of clarity, I am capable of changing the relationships in my life by adjusting my point of view.

Expectations: The Silent Killer of Relationships

Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email. Being in an unhealthy relationship can be tough, very tough.

Your standards mean so much in the dating game.

Having a few dealbreakers in a relationship doesn't make you a bad person. But when your criteria for a partner includes politics, height requirements, and a particular degree level, it's possible you've taken the checklist a bit too far. The signs your expectations are too high are sometimes hard to catch, but are crucial to look out for if you're looking for something more serious. While experts agree that it's totally viable to look for someone who shares your religious background or desire not to have kids, the mentality that you know exactly what your future partner will be like can get in your way.

The Difference Between Expectations and Standards in a Relationship

When it comes to relationships, we all have our own visions of what we expect, whether you want someone who makes you laugh or gives you solid advice. But aside from what we look for on paper, there's another aspect of a relationship that matters—how well does your partner meet your emotional needs? It is challenging to focus on thriving if someone feels emotionally unseen, unheard, or unimportant in primary relationships.


We enter into relationships with set standards and expectations. By giving people room to be human, we can avoid a lot of heartache. That is our own responsibility. But those are unrealistic expectations. God alone can heal us and meet our needs through His perfect love. When Jonathan was a little boy, we bought him a hamster that he affectionately named Hammy.

My partner doesn’t meet my needs

From the hug when you walk in the door to support talking through a family crisis; from sharing the financial load to really listening when you want to open up about your emotions or being willing to go to family functions by your side. There is a world of difference between what we need and what we want. So, the way to establish what your needs are is to start by writing down a big list of everything you want from a relationship. Be careful not to over complicate. Just drop through really quickly. Try and trust that your unconscious knows what the underlying need is. That was the need.

You want to lower them for some lazy guy who isn't meeting them? If a guy doesn't call when he said he would or he doesn't turn up for a date, and you're willing to turn a effort or initiating contact in the early days, he's giving you a preview of what he'll be like as a boyfriend. Stick to your standards and find one that is!

I remember a time when I would feel so sad and bewildered because my then boyfriend, now husband, never said he loved me. It seemed as though he did, yet I still wished and ached for those words. Or sometimes he would ask me what I wanted for Christmas, and I would excitedly tell him, filled with anticipation as the day approached, yet it was as if I had never said a word. For nothing on the list HE asked for appeared — which left me feeling, hurt, confused, and yes, kind of angry.

The Truth About Expectations in Relationships

When it comes to relationships, there's one magic word that gets an especially bad rap: expectations. But I'm here to tell you that having expectations—a. The problem, however, is that oftentimes, your expectations don't match up to those of your significant other—or to things that any average person can or would want to fulfill — landing you in unrealistic territory. Having unrealistic expectations doesn't make you a downright brat.

9 Marriage Expectations That Could Destroy Your Relationship

Prefer to listen? Check out the related episode from the I Hear You podcast. How aware are you of your day-to-day expectations?

Many marital therapists tell couples to expect less. This advice is wrong.

In a marriage, spouses continually need each other, whether it's for emotional support during a hard time or to attend a boring work event so one doesn't have to suffer alone. But some expectations of your husband — or of your marriage — are unrealistic. Here, experts draw the line between what's acceptable and what's simply asking too much. Whatever your issue is with your mother-in-law — maybe he sometimes puts her first, or your personalities just clash — it's best for you to really put forth the effort to resolve the problem. She is, after all, the reason he exists in the first place.



Comments: 3
  1. Kagazil

    The exact answer

  2. Kajishakar

    You have hit the mark. Thought good, I support.

  3. Fenrik

    I do not know, I do not know

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